Saturday, September 5, 2009
ATI Radeon X800XL
Wow. The crazy bovine-phobia the artist behind this box suffers from is practically off the scale.
Now, I know some of you reading this are gonna say "no, that's just a minotaur." -- and to address that, I've created this short play starring me, as myself, and you as the whiny mythology nerd.
Me: Holy shit, look at that crazy vampire cow dude!
You: That's just a minotaur.
Me: Minnow what? Shut up or I'll sic a crazy vampire cow warrior on you.
You: You have no idea what a minotaur is.
Me: You're a minotaur! I'll minotaur you! Your mom's a minotaur!
You: I'm done talking to you now.
Me: Yeah, you better run Señor Minotaur!
You: Your vocabulary is nothing short of amazing.
Me: OH NOS!! A GAZEBO!
[At this point a large and angry gazebo crashes on to the stage and eats your stack of D&D character sheets, your GURPS manual, and your bag of non-standard dice.]
You: Gazebos don't eat! They're a (often octagonal) pavilion structure found in gardens and parks!
[I laugh as the gazebo sits on you and makes you take it back.]
Whatever nightmarish cow-related experiences the designer of this box suffered from as a child were probably pretty horrific. And hilarious, cuz I mean, c'mon... crazy axe wielding vampire cow? HA!
He looks like he's dressed up for a GWAR concert. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's just the guitar player.
Let's score this baby. I have a good feeling about this one.
+1 Ficticious monster
+1 Predatory animal
+2 Fire (torches)
+1 Clouds (there's some evil red lookin' weather out there)
+1 Spikeball (the end of the axe sure looks like a spikeball to me)
and 1, 2, 3, 4... 5! Five uses of the letter X! (Not counting the 'x' in Pixel).
Which gives us a kickass score of 12!
FINAL SCORE: 12
Well done ATI! Your artistic livestock nightmare vision has paid off. I'm sure this baby is flying off the shelves at this very moment.
Posted by Alan Berman