Friday, September 4, 2009


When some people think of really really baddass videogame elements to put on a box that will really inspire consumers and move units, they think of Emo Superheros. Enrique, the male model above, is the go-to industry guy for GeForce whenever they need a wizard or superhero with tribal tattoos and poorly proportioned hands.

Enrique is all business on the set. Cameras roll and he immediately begins crying his trademark Shiny Magnetic Tears into his tiny, tiny hands - all while looking completely inconsoleable. He's a total Pro.

Given his tribal tat and shredded delts I'm about ready to confirm the rumor that Enrique started his carrer in the film House-Boat Studs #7 - not that I would watch that but I heard it from somebody don't judge me you are reading about fantasty art on computer hardware boxes.

As far as giving this card a place in the pantheon of Video Card Box art - there were some tough calls to be made. I, for one, am extremely partial to shiny tears and I think they are pretty badass. He also has a kickass helmet with a secure looking chinstrap to ensure that it never comes off in combat or while headbanging to "Fallout Boy." A lot of hard work went into rendering those biceps, and I'm currently pushing the Video-Game Box-Art Judging Association to add "rad biceps" to the scoring card. But, for now, here are the results:

+1 Armor (helmet)
+1 Lightning /Water (lightning tears!)
+2 for energy bursts
+1 Clouds
+1 GeForce GTX +1 maXcore 55- has an X and stands for THE MAXIMUM CORE POWER which is clearly 55


Where this Card really stands out is in it's X-ecution (yep) we're talking so many X's I thought i was watching Sex In the City reruns (yep again)

Although tied with the Asus Baddass D&D Skeletor Knight Warrior of Total Badness, this piece is a mediocre work salvaged only by excessive energy usage and X inflation. I predict not a crowd favorite.

1 comment:

  1. I gotta say, I love the "BFG Tech" name. Never heard of 'em, but I'm sure the guy who came up with that name is a really big fan of first person shooters.