Saturday, September 5, 2009

ATI Radeon X800XL

Wow. The crazy bovine-phobia the artist behind this box suffers from is practically off the scale.

Now, I know some of you reading this are gonna say "no, that's just a minotaur." -- and to address that, I've created this short play starring me, as myself, and you as the whiny mythology nerd.

Me: Holy shit, look at that crazy vampire cow dude!
You: That's just a minotaur.
Me: Minnow what? Shut up or I'll sic a crazy vampire cow warrior on you.
You: You have no idea what a minotaur is.
Me: You're a minotaur! I'll minotaur you! Your mom's a minotaur!
You: I'm done talking to you now.
Me: Yeah, you better run SeƱor Minotaur!
You: Your vocabulary is nothing short of amazing.

[At this point a large and angry gazebo crashes on to the stage and eats your stack of D&D character sheets, your GURPS manual, and your bag of non-standard dice.]

You: Gazebos don't eat! They're a (often octagonal) pavilion structure found in gardens and parks!

[I laugh as the gazebo sits on you and makes you take it back.]


Whatever nightmarish cow-related experiences the designer of this box suffered from as a child were probably pretty horrific. And hilarious, cuz I mean, c'mon... crazy axe wielding vampire cow? HA!

He looks like he's dressed up for a GWAR concert. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's just the guitar player.

Let's score this baby. I have a good feeling about this one.

+1 Ficticious monster
+1 Predatory animal
+1 Weapon
+1 Armor
+2 Fire (torches)
+1 Clouds (there's some evil red lookin' weather out there)
+1 Spikeball (the end of the axe sure looks like a spikeball to me)
and 1, 2, 3, 4... 5! Five uses of the letter X! (Not counting the 'x' in Pixel).

Which gives us a kickass score of 12!


Well done ATI! Your artistic livestock nightmare vision has paid off. I'm sure this baby is flying off the shelves at this very moment.


  1. 16 Pixel Pipelines! Holy shit that is a lot of pipelines for said pixels!!! Do companies get bonus points for have the coolest Ad Copy?

  2. I think coolest Ad Copy is probably a good one to take into consideration, but is copy really "art"?

    I guess writing good copy is definitely an artform... perhaps.

    I think we may also want to consider adding a category for cool fonts?